Homer's Diet
by Moana Fan Girl
Summary: After falling down the stairs after tripping on Snowball II and losing his balance, Lisa suggests for Homer to go on a diet. Will the idea fail or will it be successful? Also with Homer's tendency to eat a lot, will the diet even work? Read on to find out what'll happen when Homer is forced to go on a diet.


Homer awoke to the sun shining through his window, and squinted his eyes as he was turned on the bed, facing the window and clutching his pillow as he was hugging it.

For some reason today he had a gut feeling that something was going to happen but he couldn't figure out what. The only thing he knew was that it had something to do with Lisa, his second oldest daughter.

As he sat up on the bed with his legs over the side, he stretched and yawned before looking at the alarm clock on his nightstand, seeing it was 9:00 AM.

 _Well at least I don't have work today..._ He thought before getting up and heading to the closet which was located a few feet from the foot of the bed.

After opening it up and getting dressed, he said, "Marge, it's time to-" As he looked at the bed he interrupted himself before looking down and whining, "Ohhh... She's always up before me!"

He walked over to the bedroom door which was a few steps to the left of the closet before grabbing the doorknob and opening the door.

 _I wonder... Is April up yet?_ He thought as he tiptoed over to her room before quietly giggling, _If she's not she's gonna be so surprised when I open her door and_ \- Just before he could finish he slowly cracked open her door and peeked inside, finding no one inside as he slapped his forehead while doing his trademark annoyed grunt.

Wiping his hand down his face, which held a look of annoyance, he exited her room and shut the door behind him while doing so.

 _She's the one who usually likes to sleep in._ He thought, remembering the times he would enter her room and wake her up before getting a pillow thrown at his face, but that was in her early teens.

Now April - grown reaccustomed to him waking her up playfully like he did to her as a child - would simply chuckle before whining, "Okay, I'm up."

Homer didn't want his once little girl to grow up, and she didn't seem to grow up too much, having a childish nature throughout her teens and still now that she is 18 and graduated from high school.

"Marge, sweetie? Kids?" He called as he approached the stairs, not noticing that Snowball II was on the top stair curled into a ball, napping away.

As he stepped down, he felt the top of his foot touch against something furry which startled him, making him jump and almost lose his balance, except as his body tipped forward his weight didn't help much when his reflexes tried pulling him backward to keep him from tipping forward more.

Due to all his weight shifting forward, the reflexes pulling him back didn't have equal enough weight behind him at the moment he started tipping forward so instead he ended up tripping on Snowball II, sending him tumbling down the stairs, letting out a "D'oh!" for every stair he hit before landing in front of the last one, a small groan escaping his lips.

"Dad's down!" Bart said from his spot at the kitchen table as he pointed to his father, obviously trying to hold in laughter.

April just stared at Homer, puzzled as to how he could have fallen down the stairs.

"Stupid cat was at the top of the stairs..." Homer grumbled in reply as if he'd read April's mind before slowly getting up, feeling little pain thanks to his weight adding a little extra padding, softening the fall.

April quickly got up from her seat and offered one of her hands to help him up, but he rejected the help saying, "I don't need it, but thanks sweetie."

April smiled as she nodded in understanding before heading back to the table.

"When you need it just let me know." She said in a caring tone as she sat back down.

Bart rolled his eyes as he muttered, "Daddy's girl."

April just smirked at him and playfully stuck her tongue out.

"See kids, you're lucky to have us as parents." Homer began, not noticing what happened between Bart and April, "Because when you grow up, you'll be just like April here."

"So I'll grow up a daddy's boy?" Bart spoke up, shuddering a bit at the thought of becoming like his older sister as Maggie excitedly sucked on her pacifier as if she thought what Bart had said was funny.

"Now Bart, be nice to your older sister." Marge said, placing plates in front of everyone, the plates having pancakes on top of them.

"Yeah, she'll be moving out soon anyway." Homer said, his tone sounding like he didn't care. But both April and Marge knew that he was upset at the fact of his oldest daughter moving out. "Then I'll be stuck with just you guys..." Homer continued, making it sound like a bad thing as he looked down at his stack of pancakes and poked at them with his fork.

"Wow Dad, make us sound bad." Bart said plainly as he looked at his father.

"Well he didn't start putting on weight until you were born." April said jokingly as Bart glared at her. "Well, you were only a few years old when he started gaining the weight." She corrected herself as she thought back to when Bart was about four years old.

"That's when he became the problem child." Homer muttered before sticking a forkful of pancakes into his mouth, "But I was already gaining weight by the time Lisa was one year old, because Bart didn't get along with her, _at all_."

"But all that changed after we told Bart that Lisa loved him." Marge said with a smile, "Then he started doing more things with her."

"Yeah that was back when we were little." Lisa corrected, having been at the table but silent the whole time until now, "Back when we had innocent minds. Now Bart's mind is...not so innocent, while mine still has some innocence left despite Bart becoming _a troublemaker at the age of four_." By now she was glaring at Bart, causing everyone to look in Bart's direction except for Homer who was looking at Bart with just his eyes, still focused on his pancakes.

"Hey don't look at me, man!" Bart said, holding his hands up in defense, "I learned that behavior in school! Everyone began to like me for it, so blame it on them, not me!"

"So blame it on them for the fact _you woke me up this morning_?" April asked, clearly irritated at Bart.

"Wait, so that's why you weren't in bed when I went to wake you up?" Homer asked her, curious.

"Duh!" April replied, glaring at Bart, "If _Bartholomew Jojo Simpson_ " – Bart cringed upon hearing his middle name due to not liking it that much – "didn't _have_ to wake me up, I would've _still_ been in bed!"

"Well so- _rry_ you didn't get your beauty sleep, _Princess_." Bart retorted, beginning to glare at his oldest sister.

"Alright!! That's enough!" Marge shouted to end the argument between the two, getting everyone's attention, "We're going to try to get through this day without any arguing. Now you kids understand?"

"Yes Mom..." Bart said, hanging his head. April just rolled her eyes.

"We do." She said, looking away from everyone at the kitchen wall.

After that, there was complete silence for a few moments before Lisa spoke up and said, "So, Dad, what caused you to fall down the stairs this time?"

Homer's bad gut feeling about Lisa from earlier came back up as he heard her ask this, and trying to get rid of it he took a deep breath and exhaled the air before saying, "The cat was at the top of the stairs, and I lost my balance."

"Dad, you _always_ lose your balance when you trip on something." Lisa said, "It seems like you try to keep your balance every time you go down the stairs but you keep failing!"

"Well sweetie, as you get older your reflexes start to slow down." Homer explained to her, having heard that somewhere before and finding this a good opportunity to say it. But Lisa only looked at him with her eyes halfway closed, not buying it.

"Yeah but you're a middle-aged man, Dad." Lisa explained, Homer letting out an annoyed grunt at this, "So it couldn't be that your reflexes have slowed!"

 _Okay Homer, you've got this..._ Homer thought to himself, feeling that this wasn't going the way he had wanted it to.

"Well how do _you_ know?" Homer asked, "You can't prove anything!"

Everyone at the table just stared at him and blinked.

"What?" Homer asked with a shrug, "I mean what else would it be?"

The look on Lisa's face told everything... She had a slight smirk on her face as she gestured to Homer's stomach with her eyes.

"What?!" Homer asked in shock, briefly glancing down at his own stomach, "But it _can't_ be that!"

"It is..." Lisa said, "Your body couldn't keep balanced as you tripped over Snowball II."

"It was unexpected...?" Homer said as his attempt at coming up with a good excuse.

"Dad, almost _every day_ you trip on something going down the stairs." Lisa explained, "How was Snowball being on the stairs unexpected if there's almost always something on them?"

"Just stop asking so many questions!" Homer yelled, sounding like he was going to cry, his eyes squeezed shut and his hands clenching both sides of his head.

Bart stifled laughter as he said, "Why're ya freaking out Dad? They're just questions."

"Bart, leave your father alone." Marge warned, looking at Bart, "He's just upset right now."

"I had a gut feeling something was going to happen this morning after waking up." Homer said, explaining why he had a slight mental breakdown, "It had something to do with Lisa. It just felt like something was going to happen between us..."

"Well all I was going to do was suggest a diet..." Lisa said with a shrug. Suddenly Homer screamed and eventually passed out, his body slumped back in his chair.

 _Oh, Dad..._ April thought with a roll of her eyes as she shook her head slightly, _What are we going to do with you?_

"Hey Mom, you want me to shoot something at Homer to try to wake him up?" Bart asked, looking at Marge with a smile.

"No!" Marge yelled, shooting a look at Bart.

"Darn it..." Bart muttered, looking down.

"Wha... Where am I?" Homer asked, slowly sitting up before looking around.

"You're at the kitchen table." Marge explained to him, "You passed out."

"Yeah, 'cause you heard you were going on a diet." Bart teased, causing Homer to scream and, once again, pass out.

"Bart, stop that!" Marge scolded, "Your father's had enough stress as it is!"

"Aw man..." Bart complained, looking down as he crossed his arms.

April went up to Homer, grabbed his fork and held it up to his nose after forking up some pancakes, causing him to stir a bit before fully waking up.

"Mmm, pancakes." He said before sitting up and taking the fork from April before beginning to scarf his pancakes down.

"I think it's going to be hard to get your father on a diet." Marge whispered to Lisa as both watched Homer eat.

"Well I learned that when parents want kids to eat their vegetables they sneak the veggies into their kids' food." Lisa whispered back, "So maybe we could do the same for Dad."

"Well I guess so..." Marge pondered, "But what if your father notices or walks in and _sees_ me putting vegetables in the food?"

"Well I'll distract him with Bart." Lisa assured her, "If that doesn't work we'll have to give him smaller portions."

"Well okay..." Marge agreed a bit hesitantly, "But he kinda _is_ a big eater. And he may be a bit stubborn when it comes to getting seconds or thirds."

"Don't worry, I'll talk to April." Lisa mentioned, "She may be able to talk to him. You know, 'cause she has a strong bond with him."

"Oh yeah..." Marge said with a smile, "She _does_ have a strong bond with him!"

While they spoke, everyone was too busy eating to notice, except maybe April since her hearing was pretty good.

"Well it's settled then." Marge whispered to Lisa, continuing their conversation, "We're sneaking vegetables into his food first, then giving smaller portions if we're found out."


End file.
